"Divorce: Is it the Answer?"by Becky B.

    My parents divorced when I was in the 3rd grade but my parents had been having issues for years previously. I was young and I remember clearly the fights, the abuse, the yelling. The memories are far and few between but the ones I do have were not the happiest of times. My dad hit my mom and my mom cried a lot. My dad would come home late and he was an alcoholic, so many late nights were spent at the bar or with other women.

    I remember seeing things about divorce on TV. Parents were always telling their kids, "It's not your fault." Or "Mommy and Daddy still love you!" and so on and so forth. My parents never told me it wasn't my fault but I never thought it was my fault. I felt like I was on the sidelines. I wasn't sad they were getting divorced. I think I just didn't totally understand the situation. My parents never told me straight out they were divorcing. I remember my mother mentioning it to her lawyer or something on the phone. And I broke the news to my best friend at school the next day. I said in a nonchalant way, "My parents are getting divorced."

    I guess counseling helped me figure out I did feel angry. My mother put me into counseling at school. I think before that I held everything inside and instead of feeling sad; I think I was angrier with my dad for ruining everything and with the woman he was cheating with. I never wanted to confront him though. I just wanted him to assume I was okay and in 3rd grade no kid wants to approach his or her mom and dad about being mad. I also felt sorry for myself that I didn't have a "normal" family. The feelings I was having were all normal.

    Some years passed, I went through a roller coaster of emotions. I didn't talk about it. It was something in the past. I was glad the divorce happened because my dad moved out one day and things were better at home. No more yelling, screaming, anger. My mom was sad but she was not being hit anymore. As I got older, I started too appreciate the divorce more and more.

    It's hard to explain that to people. People see divorce as an end. But I see it as a new beginning. It can break apart families and it can be tough on the kids because they may feel like they are being pulled in a zillion different directions. But sometimes divorce is for the best. Sometimes if two people cannot get along, they need to separate. Kids are very perceptive and they can be adversely affected by arguments, or seeing abuse. But sometimes when parents stay together "for the kids" it can back fire.

    I mean I made it through my parent's divorce and I am okay. I had a lot of emotions to deal with over the years but it was better than having my parents stay together. Better than seeing my mom abused further. Better than suffering. Sometimes parents, who cannot get along, cannot work things out. I wish that marriage was always forever but it's not. I don't think divorce should be a parents' first choice when they argue but there comes a point when it sometimes is the best option.

    If your parents are divorced or are in the process of divorcing, maybe you should think about counseling. It's helped me learn about myself and how the divorce affected me. It helped me get out some of the feelings I had held in for years. I had always accepted the divorce but now I understood it a little more. Do I believe divorce is the answer? Yes, I believe it is a solution. It's not the only solution but sometimes it is what's best.

source: www.teenadviceonline.org