I have gotten many emails from people during my time as a counselor for TAO. In many of the emails, people ask me about being afraid to go to therapy, and that they are scared to go to a counselor and don't know what to expect. Secondly, they are afraid that the counselor won't understand them or will be too pushy, or they have had a bad experience with a counselor is the past and are afraid to go back. I want to say that counselors are only human like everyone else, and they make mistakes, too, just like we all do as we live our lives. At the same time, they need the person seeking counseling to work hard during the counseling sessions and be committed to seeing some change. However, counselors know that as much as they want their client (this is usually what a counselor will refer to a person seeking counseling) to work to see change because they know it will yield the best results, they know that their clients also deal with ambivalence, in other words, they are afraid, scared, and confused about why they are in therapy and what to expect.

    A therapist, counselor,psychologist, etc. that you may be seeking counseling (or also sometimes called therapy) will ask him or herself this question before you come in for therapy: 

"What are typical feelings experienced by clients who come for therapy?"

Next they will consider what the client may be ambivalent about:

1.) Do they have a fear of a change, or do they have a desire for change.
2.) Do they have the knowledge and desire to face one's problem, or are they motivated to avoid and ignore the unpleasant problem at hand?
3.) How is the environment around them, friends, family, school, etc. that may or may not provide support for change, and are any of these blocking a person from seeing change?

    So, if you were a client who was seeking support for depression, you might say to the therapist, "I want to be with more people, but I'm not attractive and worthwhile and no one would like." Keeping the above questions in mind, the counselor is going to decide whether or not you have a fear of change. A person with depression might not have high self-esteem and might not believe they can change, so the counselor will make a note to help encourage the person to not be fearful or their problem, or be ashamed because they have a problem. They will ask you why you feel fearful, and help you understand it is ok to be sad.

    Secondly, a counselor is going to attempt to understand if you have the desire for change but are just scared. Or, the counselor will try and understand if maybe you went into counseling because a friend or parent encouraged you, so your motivation for change may be low, and will encourage you to look at your problem and try and change it. The counselor will help you realize that maybe you DO have what it takes to change and the motivation to change, but fear of change and ambivalence about the future is holding you back. They will help you get past the negative thoughts that might be in someone's mind when they are depressed, and motivate them to think positively and not negatively.

    Lastly, a counselor is going to attempt to understand if you your parents, friends, teachers, etc. are providing a helpful supporting environment for change. If they hear you talk about a hurtful friend or a hurtful parent, they will help you talk to these people and maybe even ask if you would feel comfortable having them come into therapy so you can work together. Maybe if you are depressed, your fear of people might be because you have a friend that is constantly hurting you and not being a very good friend and the counselor will help you learn to stick up for yourself and be more assertive. A counselor will also ask you if you've tried to change your problem in the past and help you understand that it is out to fail and not have things work out the way you want them too.

    Also, some counselor may be more confrontational in their style of therapy. Confrontational means they may ask you questions and cause you too think critically about them and really work hard to get you too change and maybe even come right out and say something like, "You have self-esteem and a are a good person but you're hurting yourself by being negative and are only focusing on the negative." Now, this might cause someone to have their feelings hurt, but at the same time, you will think about it, and the counselor is NOT trying to hurt you, only trying to get you to look at the problem very critically because you might be ignoring that you have a problem. Or, if you have been having unprotected sex, for instance, a counselor might ask you, "So you don't think will get pregnant... well I can tell you a few people who said the same thing as you and continued to think it wouldn't happen to them, and they got pregnant." Again, this might frustrated you, but it sometimes it is the only way they can get someone, depending on their personality, to change.

    Some counselors are more motivational in their style. They may encourage you and help you believe you can do anything and that it will be ok. They help you think about your past and move forward and will not be so confronting about problems. For example, with regards to depression, the counselor might say, "How does it make you feel when you think negatively? Does it make you feel positive about yourself? Do you think that it's hurting you, or do you think we should work on that?", rather than saying you ARE hurting yourself by thinking negatively. I believe that most counselors combine the counseling styles together and some counselors have totally different styles, but this is what you can expect a great deal of the time.

    I also want to add, that if you are under age, for instance in the United States that would mean anyone under the age of 18, if you say something to the counselor and don't want the counselor to tell your parents, the counselor does NOT have to tell your parents anything you do not want them to know *UNLESS* you have told them you are hurting yourself, either by cutting, talking about suicide, eating disorders, etc. or say specifically that you are going to do harm to another person, or if you say you have been abused in any form. But, if you just say something to a counselor and don't want them to make a note of it in their notes, it is up to them to tell your parents or guardian. So if you say that you went out with some friends late Saturday and drank, the counselor will not tell your parents if you think you'll get in trouble. However, by law, whatever a counselor writes down about in and is in your file, your parents or guardian have legal right's to see what the counselor wrote about you. If you have concerns about any of this, just talk to your counselor about it and they will be more than willing to discuss it with you. Remember, they are there to help you anyway they know how.

    So, there you have it. Don't be scared of counseling! Counseling is scary because you don't know what to expect. But life is full of events that we have never faced before, but you can't live your life in fear and avoid situations. If you do, then maybe it's time you ask for help. If you are scared, it's ok and the counselor will understand that. Change takes time. You need to believe in yourself, and handle one day at a time.

source: www.teenadviceonline.org